I am stealing this title from a set of tarot cards I received from my cousin a summer or two ago. Tarot is something I resort to when I am feeling a bit low... so today guess what. Yep, I am feeling low. A barista job that I thought was a certainty has somehow slipped away. I am currently living in a children's playroom. The jobs listed on craigslist sucked today. And I don't know what to do when I grow up.
My tarot cards are:
Follow Your Dreams
Vacation
Raising Your Standards
I cannot tell you how many times it has come up in tarot for me to "Follow my dreams". This is something I am striving to do. This sounds so simple and easy, doesn't it? Follow- like there is this perfect little path with flowers along the sides and happy bunnies urging me forward. My dreams- I can see it now. I have my book in my hands with Matt by my side, I've learned French, I look really cute in that dress I sewed myself, and I have three kids. If only it were this easy.
I haven't stumbled across my magical path, and every time I sit down to write or use Rosetta stone there is this little voice in my head saying "you really should be looking for a job". It doesn't help that this voice sounds whiny.
I love my fairy tarot reading. I do! And I am happy that it stays somewhat consistent. It makes me believe in them even more, but tarot cards do not do the work for you. They do not tell you directly to go to a coffee shop and write for an hour, to study French, to get off of Facebook, to go for a walk, make a nice dinner, plant a tree, donate blood, kiss your lover more often, etc. They state the rather obvious, and then we are supposed shut up and listen to our hearts and figure out what we think that actually means.
I am currently experiencing one of those "when life gives you lemons make lemonade" moments. Except it feels more like I can't find my lemons, I don't have a juicer, and there isn't any sugar in the pantry.
I hope no one is reading this in hopes that I can give you an answer. Maybe comfort. It is hard for a lot of people right now. If you have a job you are step ahead of one girl at least.
I do not want pity or worry sent my way from my parents, siblings, friends, or readers (if I have any). I just want the voice in my head to tell me "It's going to be alright. You are doing great. Keep your head up. You are going to get a job (insert exact date and time here)" and sure I would like the voice to sound like Julie Andrews or Professor McGonagall. Is that really too much to ask for?
I know it is, but it would still be awesome.
As far as "raising my standards" goes, well, that is hard for me to do while I am not getting jobs at my current/low self-standard. The words "ugh" and "help" come to mind.
And "vacation"- how the hell am I supposed to do that right now. Though it would be very nice indeed, and if I get the chance, of course (Solvang and Paris are the first things that come to mind).
This far in the New Year I have read the book The War of Art, and I am currently reading Abhorsen (great book. The last in the Garth Nix trilogy) and French Women Don't Sleep Alone.
Each has given me some bit of strength at this time of my life. (That's why I read and why I write)
1. Resistance is a human experience, and it is universal. Giving in to resistance is easier than fighting it off. And though resistance is the enemy, the artist has allies like a productive routine, the muse/angel, and the passion and strength of your own heart.
2. We all have a purpose.
3; I am woman hear me roar... no, but seriously, it feels good as a woman to embrace my femininity and even flaunt it sometimes. I am wearing some sexy undies right now, and I am wearing them for moi.
Allow me to end a little abruptly (I have to work on a dinner plan) with a quote that has been playing in my head for the last five minutes or writing. I feel I have to pass it on to keep my Muse from getting cranky with me.
"Keep calm and carry on."
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