When we first arrived in Oregon (after our honeymoon) we were job and house/apartment hunting, and I had decided that I needed to devote my time mainly to this search. I did not bring any canvas or paint with me. I did bring notebooks (of course, because I don't even travel without them) and I wrote here and there. After a couple weeks however, I began to feel the urge to paint (probably due to the fact that we arrived in the Fall, and Oregon is absolutely beautiful during that season). Instead of buying acrylics, which has been my paint of choice since I started painting, I bought oil.
I warn you that oil is a pain to clean off of your brushes, it takes forever to dry, and is definitely not the best choice if you have curious little kids around you that want to touch your unfinished project. But I am absolutely in love with it, and for now I cannot even think of going back to acrylic.
The job search is still extremely important. I have simply decided that sending out resumes and waiting for call backs is not a very fulfilling life style, and I will no longer ignore the Muse calling me to canvas, computer screen, or notebook. It has been three months since I have been without a job (the bright side is that I have been married for three months!), in a different state, away from my immediate family. I miss home. I miss my mom and dad. I miss my sister and brothers. God, I miss my nieces. I miss my friends. I miss California (well, maybe not the traffic).
The larger picture of my family is spread out across the U.S. in California, Texas, Louisiana, Oregon, Virginia, Florida, and Washington (I may be missing something... do you know how big my family is!?!). It makes me wonder how they all had the strength to get through their moves, how often they thought about going back, was sticking it out worth while, and if so, what made it so worth while? No matter what anyone tells you, whether they say "It is going to be awesome, you will love it" or "You must be crazy moving that far away from family", if you feel the need to do it, then you should. It will pan out later whether it was awesome or crazy. It is better than just sitting around wishing that you had tried it. I still have my youth, my awesome husband, and no children as of yet. My heart said "go", Matt said "okay", and we did.
When times are tough I try to count my blessings, I go to Starbucks and write(... though my gift card just ran out), I sit down and paint, I read, and I still dream about what it will be like to live with just Matt. When we find a place of our own, it has to have a bathtub, because I plan on taking a lot of them.
I don't know if any of my hobbies will ever pan out as careers. I have a responsibility to myself to do them no matter what though, because they make me happy.
I finished reading the book French Women Don't Sleep Alone, and I highly recommend it. I have decided to incorporate some of the tips from that book into my every day life, and I feel like I am just beaming with feminine energy when I do. I walk to the coffee shop, I smile at strangers (not a big smile, just a closed lip smile) that I pass on the street, I wear matching under garments, my writing is my 'secret garden', I wear pretty smelling lotion or perfume, and I just appreciate being a woman. Oh and I started studying French again. It ends up all I needed was a break from the classroom environment. I think college grads miss and romanticize their college days (I am certainly guilty of this at times.. until I see posts during finals week on FB). Learning does not have to stop. In fact, it should not. It should merely become more specific to your own tastes and passions.
The fact that I allow myself these little bits of joy every day makes me think that years from now when I am looking back on this moment the struggle will seem so vague that I may not even believe that it was really even going on.
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