Marilyn and Me

     I do not remember with perfect clarity when my obsession with Marilyn Monroe came about. I was probably 7 or 8 and had decided that I wanted to be like her, because she was so pretty and likable. I hadn't even seen her in a movie when I had decided that. I remember my mom telling me that the mole on my chin was a beauty mark and someone saying that Marilyn Monroe had a beauty mark too, which made me feel special- actually more than special. It made me feel beautiful. 

My Marilyn themed
dress and hair... and yes,
that's Matt. We have been
together that long.

     I have to take a moment to reflect on that. Yes, I remember feeling beautiful, before puberty struck. Then came acne, and hips, and boobs, and a bunch of crap magazines with pictures of celebrities with waists as big my wrist, and... well I kind of didn't feel so beautiful anymore. That lasted a while (most of high school actually, which of course felt like forever), and the sugary caffeine-loaded frappucinos from Starbucks paired with lots of fast food was a big step in the wrong direction.
     During that period of my life that I sometimes think of as my dark ages (especially when my dad loads the most awful pictures from those years onto our digital picture frame for friends and family to see), I had a growing collection of Marilyn memorabilia that included posters, two shirts, and a clock. I kind of started to idolize her. Or at least the image of her. In my senior year, I even bought a dress and styled my hair to look as Marilyn as possible for prom. 

     I may have had a collection and all, but I didn't really know much about the woman. I mean I knew that her real name was Norma Jeane, she was an actress and a sex symbol, sang happy birthday to JFK in a sultry voice, that diamonds were her best friend, and that she died young from some sort of drug over dose. I could say that I know more about her now because I've read Wikipedia entries about her, did my fair share of Googling, read magazine articles, and watched a number of her movies- as well as My Week with Marilyn.Yet I still feel like I don't know who she was. There's a lot about her laid out clean and clear, but beyond her stardom, her image as a sex symbol, her way with the camera (clothed or not), she remains a mystery. Marilyn Monroe was really a pseudo identity. Norma Jeane was sort of... lost to Hollywood. So I wonder what it would have been like to be that girl.
     Almost fifty years after her death as I was placing my groceries on the check stand, her face on the cover of Vanity Fair held my attention with a force as could not be ignored. I made the purchase (with zero buyer's remorse- can't say that when I buy In Touch, Star, or People ) and instantly flipped to the pictures... I mean article.
After I finished reading, I realized she was human and vulnerable yet still beautiful. Always beautiful. The obsession I had in childhood has sort of evolved. There's something about her looks, her smile, her energy that is captivating. But it's that realness that I like so much about her now. (That and she makes femininity seem like a super power.) It's probably not right to idolize anyone, but I definitely think that both Marilyn Monroe and Norma Jeane are worth remembering.

"I didn't pay much attention to the whistles and whoops, in fact, I didn't quite hear them. I was full of a strange feeling, as if I were two people. One of them was Norma Jeane from the orphanage who belonged to nobody; the other was someone whose name I didn't know. But I knew where she belonged; she belonged to the ocean and the sky and the whole world."-Marilyn Monroe